Projection and Transference Opportunities for Healing Our Splits

By now a lot of us have heard the term projection but many may have not heard the term transference. Projection and transference are the same phenomena. Seeing in others or outside ourselves our own unconscious content. We transfer or project whatever we disown, deny or repress quite frequently— only we are not the one's doing it. Our unconscious projects itself because it wants to be known. This unfortunately results in not really knowing the other person who receives the projection which is why real relationships take time as Saturn so patiently informs us. Saturn is exalted in the sign of Libra which means it works best when we slowly get to know others. So many people get into what I call "fast food" relationships — wanting intimacy NOW! That's fine in the first half of life when we are experimenting but in the 2nd half of life our values change and our needs are more concrete because we've experienced enough to find out more about who we are. I highly encourage people to wait 6 months at least before becoming intimate as so much more will be revealed. Aquarius rules friendship. I see our relationships moving into a time where we become friends first so that we know that we truly like a person not just fall in love with them. We would still be their friend even if we were not their partner. Yes, we have to rise above the you belong to me and I belong to you standards of the past. It's more like you belong to yourself and you have to do what is best for you and I accept you, all of you, not just your good side. No one is going to magically always be on their best behavior. Our best friendships that stand the test of time will go through periods of discomfort as we each project parts of ourselves we refuse to be on each other. It's inevitable that the closer you get to someone the more you will see these polarizations. And sometimes both people are doing the exact same thing or behaving the same way and accusing each other. Everyone benefits when honesty enters the picture and dialogue takes place. Nothing can be resolved without both parties communicating (and not after two bottles of wine)... :) Then projection becomes an opportunity for healing for both people. But it takes two who want the relationship to work. So many people come to me and say "she's not the person I married" or "he changed into someone else". I would say they never got to know a real person. Usually the projections have to fall off first so you can look at the beloved as human and divine in one being. They won't always be what you want them to be. Wouldn't it be nice to know that the love of your life is also your best friend who you will actually get to know for real, the dark and the light? This is both giving and having the freedom to be ourselves. What a gift.