Birds of a Feather Flock Together, but We Are All Unique – Part II
What if everyone you get "deeply involved" with has a message for you? Do you kill the messenger if you don't like what he or she represents?
The unconscious in all of us has its own agenda — it wants to be known. Sometimes we will say to ourselves, “What does he see in her?” or “What does she see in him?” Well, we can’t judge each other for our intimate relationships. You don’t know what is next in that person’s evolution, and it is not your business to decide what and who is right for anyone. Only their souls know.
As our psyche is striving for wholeness and through the labyrinth of experiences called life, we will come across "others" who are of vital importance to both our psychological and our spiritual journey. They are chosen by the Gods.
When something genuinely repulses us or the exact opposite fascinates us, we are looking at our own unconscious contents. Ordinary people with faults and flaws do not threaten us or make us as uncomfortable as when our own unconscious characteristics have been triggered, and because we are all both ordinary and extraordinary, seeing someone else as “special” is another sign we are projecting a part of our hidden selves.
Again, this can be same sex, opposite sex, no difference. They are seeing something hidden from view about themselves, and this never ends. There is always more and more being revealed.
As I have strived to become more conscious, I now ask myself what the unconscious wants of me from this particular experience. What is the teleology here? In other words, “where is this headed?” This is not always easy, and when we are repulsed, we can play the victim as long as we want to and say it's all about them. That is our choice, but eventually that will just not work anymore. We have to see there is a pattern being set up in the experience, and it truly does get old. When we have the courage to open our eyes and see the mirror they represent, we are on our way to healing an internal split. My favorite teacher, J. Pittman McGehee, says, “I must become myself, but I cannot become myself alone.”
For some courageous folks, what you see is what you get, and for others what you see is only what they want you to see. Unfortunately that blocks intimacy and true relatedness. We can't really know those individuals, as they are barricaded behind their masks or personas, and if they are always “polite and nice” as the saying goes, "too good to be true." Jung said where there is no conflict there must be a lot of indifference.
The Ego wants everything to be unambiguous and easy, but guess what. That is not how we grow to love another human being. In Jungian terminology this is called "magical thinking." We grow through working through the conflicts, the confusion, and all the perplexing things we say and do to each other. Real intimacy begins when we fall out of love, as Scott Peck put it in The Road Less Traveled, and the shadow appears. The alchemists called this the naked truth when the other is no longer seen as an ideal partner. This can take six months or even a lot longer, but it has to occur so that we can differentiate from our partners. The anxiety generated becomes challenging as now we can each see through the mask/the persona. Often a power battle can begin as to who is going to control the relationship. Most people will vie for control as it is too threatening to admit our own part in whatever occurs and risk humiliation and the need for change, but if we have the courage, our 7th-house energies can help both of us.
This is the house that shows us the probable characteristics of our significant other/our partner, and each planet (an archetype) therein or in aspect to Venus will have to be discovered and shared.
This is the house of equality. You will hear a lot about fairness from a strongly Libran individual, as they are very aware when things get out of balance it hurts.
So what if you have the Sun in the 7th house? You did not come here to be alone. This is a partnership- oriented lifetime, and the same for Venus. She is the archetype of attraction and attachment, and she will strive to be aware of her partner’s needs as if they are her own. If it is Mercury, our intellect is stimulated by our partner. Speaking, learning, information gathering and processing will be important. If Mars is there, we need to get comfortable with some sparring. There is a natural competition and this couple will have to give that Martian energy a good outlet to move the muscles and/or go fight for a cause together. If Jupiter is there, we will seek to expand our worldview and our philosophy of life, taking classes together and teaching each other what we learn. If it is Saturn, we have to share responsibility for the material aspects of our relationship and we will be slow to trust as Saturn insists we take things slowly with proper caution. Now we come to the transpersonal energies, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto, and these will give people complete despair if they are not understood. Uranus is higher mind, Neptune is higher love, and Pluto is higher power. They will each require that we depersonalize our relationship needs — easier said than done but necessary for our evolution, as with these planets, we are contributing to something more than just ourselves through the relationships we bring into our lives. We are evolving consciousness together.
It takes a courageous, inspired, and self-honest individual to go into their own unconscious patterns in order to get to what we all long for and the alchemists called the Gold. The Gold is, as Liz Greene, world-famous Jungian analyst/astrologer, put it in Relating, Living With Others on a Small Planet, an “open heart.”
Compassion and charity begin at home so self-compassion is essential. If we can’t forgive ourselves, we will not be able to forgive others their mistakes, their character flaws, their glaring inconsistencies.
As Pittman McGehee said to us once, “We are all a traveling road show of people.” Our birth chart will show us the person we specifically came here to be.
Recognizing our differences from each other and accepting each other as completely divine beings and imperfect human beings is the final goal of true love, as I see it — faults, flaws, virtues, etc. Martin Buber calls this knowing the I-Thou relationship. I am me and you are you. So who are you, anyway? I’d like to get to know the real you.