Birds of a Feather Flock Together, but We Are All Unique – Part II

What if everyone you get "deeply involved" with has a message for you? Do you kill the messenger if you don't like what he or she represents?

The unconscious in all of us has its own agenda — it wants to be known. Sometimes we will say to ourselves, “What does he see in her?” or “What does she see in him?” Well, we can’t judge each other for our intimate relationships. You don’t know what is next in that person’s evolution, and it is not your business to decide what and who is right for anyone. Only their souls know.

As our psyche is striving for wholeness and through the labyrinth of experiences called life, we will come across "others" who are of vital importance to both our psychological and our spiritual journey. They are chosen by the Gods.

When something genuinely repulses us or the exact opposite fascinates us, we are looking at our own unconscious contents. Ordinary people with faults and flaws do not threaten us or make us as uncomfortable as when our own unconscious characteristics have been triggered, and because we are all both ordinary and extraordinary, seeing someone else as “special” is another sign we are projecting a part of our hidden selves.

Again, this can be same sex, opposite sex, no difference. They are seeing something hidden from view about themselves, and this never ends. There is always more and more being revealed.

As I have strived to become more conscious, I now ask myself what the unconscious wants of me from this particular experience. What is the teleology here? In other words, “where is this headed?” This is not always easy, and when we are repulsed, we can play the victim as long as we want to and say it's all about them. That is our choice, but eventually that will just not work anymore. We have to see there is a pattern being set up in the experience, and it truly does get old. When we have the courage to open our eyes and see the mirror they represent, we are on our way to healing an internal split. My favorite teacher, J. Pittman McGehee, says, “I must become myself, but I cannot become myself alone.”

For some courageous folks, what you see is what you get, and for others what you see is only what they want you to see. Unfortunately that blocks intimacy and true relatedness. We can't really know those individuals, as they are barricaded behind their masks or personas, and if they are always “polite and nice” as the saying goes, "too good to be true." Jung said where there is no conflict there must be a lot of indifference.

The Ego wants everything to be unambiguous and easy, but guess what. That is not how we grow to love another human being. In Jungian terminology this is called "magical thinking." We grow through working through the conflicts, the confusion, and all the perplexing things we say and do to each other. Real intimacy begins when we fall out of love, as Scott Peck put it in The Road Less Traveled, and the shadow appears. The alchemists called this the naked truth when the other is no longer seen as an ideal partner. This can take six months or even a lot longer, but it has to occur so that we can differentiate from our partners. The anxiety generated becomes challenging as now we can each see through the mask/the persona. Often a power battle can begin as to who is going to control the relationship. Most people will vie for control as it is too threatening to admit our own part in whatever occurs and risk humiliation and the need for change, but if we have the courage, our 7th-house energies can help both of us.