Often relationships in the first half of life are ideals and illusions of what we think people can and will be or even what we will be when we are in a relationship. These ideals don’t hold water in the second half of life. We run into problems and patterns that seem to repeat endlessly, and we wonder what this is all about. As we move into the second half of life, reality sinks in that relationships are difficult. Many people give up on ever attracting and keeping a good relationship. If they are unhappily married, they accept their fate and adopt an attitude of “better this safe place than some unknown future.” Or if single and never married, or divorced several times, they give up hope that they are capable of sustaining a relationship or ever finding true love. They feel that life has let them down and that they are just plain unlucky in love.

 

I truly believe that all these painful past or present-time relationships were, and are, exactly what we needed. There is a teleology in the Universe that is seeking to help us as we unfold our true nature. Teleology means it is leading us somewhere. This is the law of attraction at its finest. If you get out of the emotion and pain and really look at your relationships with this in mind, it is truly miraculous. Knowing that all our relationships, whether they are with lovers, friends, cousins, siblings or even our own parents, are a part of our very sacred path towards wholeness and healing gives us the courage to try again and the wisdom to admit we need to grow from these experiences.

 

Every painful lesson learned is always for both people, always. None of us is born perfect. If we’re still on the planet, we are still working on knowing ourselves, and no one knows his whole self. This is the task of a lifetime. We project parts of ourselves whenever we are fascinated or enchanted by another person or whenever we are disgusted and repelled by another person. We are seeing a part of our own Shadow as if in a mirror. These are both positive and negative qualities and characteristics. This hidden part of us that is our highest value we fall in love with as well as the parts we cannot tolerate about ourselves, so therefore we deny, repress or disown.

 

Your astrological birth chart, in particular your 7th House, will give you clear guidance as it describes what we are destined to learn to do and be when we are in a relationship. Every planet in or ruling our 7th House, or in aspect to our Venus, has to be shared equally with another person. Taking all this energy and living it with another person takes finesse. The finesse is we do this together.

 

Whenever difficult situations occur, and they will, as no two people are exactly alike, it’s being willing to say, “We are polarizing. This is what I’m doing, this is what you’re doing, and we need to meet each other halfway. How can I do a little more of what you’re doing, and you come toward me and do a little of what I’m doing? Let’s meet each other in the middle. ” In a conscious relationship, both partners will be willing. They’ll own their half. If either person cannot own their half of the situation, it’s impossible. It takes two strong egos do this kind of soul work.

 

Many religions talk about getting rid of our egos, but Carl G. Jung, who is the originator of the Shadow concept, advocates strengthening our egos first. We can’t get rid of something we do not possess. He says a strong ego is required to not flinch when seeing a Shadow quality that has been projected. Those with a weak ego can be flattened by the vicissitudes and complex situations that occur in our lives. They will not be able to deal with being honest with themselves or critically looking at their mistakes either. So developing an ego actually allows us to then be able to let it go when we are clearly at fault. Only a strong enough ego can humble itself and admit a mistake. 

 

As we begin the New Year, we make resolutions for ourselves to improve our lives, our health, our finances, etc., but we forget that loving ourselves and others is a very important goal also. Taking our specific 7th House energy and sharing it with another person can help us in the goal toward this balance that we all seek in order to have healthy relationships. So will some self-examination and self-disclosure.  

 

QUESTIONS TO ASK IN ORDER TO CREATE A BALANCED, 7TH-HOUSE PARTNERSHIP:

 

Knowing that at all times it takes two to make a relationship work, and that no one can do the work alone.

 

1. Do I genuinely like this person that I am “in love” with?

2. Are we friends? Would I still be his or her friend even if they decided they didn’t want to be my partner?

3. Am I genuinely interested in this person for who they are? Do I accept and appreciate where we are different?

4. Am I free to be myself? Do I allow the other person the freedom to be who they came here to be?

5. Is this person willing to communicate with me, even when it’s hard to do so?

6. Does this person take care of themselves? Can they stand on their own financially?

7. Can we compromise on important issues? 

8. Are my needs being met? Do I ask them what their needs are also, so that I can meet their needs? Are they willing to take turns giving and receiving? 

9. If we both recognize that we are polarizing in character traits, do we make the effort to meet each other halfway?

 10. Have we established trust over time? Can we count on each other to keep our word, do what we say we will do, etc.?

11. Are we committed for the long haul?

12. Is our sexual relationship healthy? Do we both give and receive pleasure?

13. Is our love felt and expressed freely without reservation?

14. Do they demonstrate the capacity to forgive and forget?

15. Are we both willing to grow and change?

 

published in the January 2010 issue of the Indigo Sun, Houston, Texas

 

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