This is a concept that can be difficult to understand or relate to for your own life.
Here are some questions and answers sent to me.
Qs & As
You're Questions Answered
- by Rebeca Eigen -
Q. I was born 9/29/56. I have had a very strict, religious upbringing and have always been taught that anything sexual is taboo — evil — a sin, etc. For some reason, even when I am in a very satisfying relationship, I seem to attract men who constantly make sexual advances towards me even though I let them know immediatly I am unavailable and uninterested. This excites me. I don't think this shows but why else do they continue to flirt with me?? My name is ——. I look forward to your response as this is a huge puzzle to me. Thank You.
A. Sometimes our "upbringing and strict religious" attitudes about sex get compensated for in the Shadow. You sound like you answered your own question when you said "it excited me" — what part of you gets excited? The Shadow side of cource since you are identified with your strict religious side. Everything in the psyche is in pairs. The unconscious will have to carry the other extreme of you until you come into balance which I would imagine would be noticing the signals you are unconsciously putting out to these men. We keep secrets from ourselves when we don't know all the parts. That is the beauty of shadow work as these parts come into visibility. Good luck!
Q. Hi, I am 50 and have never had a decent relationship with a man. Now, if someone came along I would not know how to be in relationship to him. I also feel that I am not in good relatioship with anyone. I am a loner alone as people just want to talk about themselves or get help from me. I am Leo asc and resonate with your +/- characteristics in the 7 th house. My question — how do I transform my blocks to allow some reciprocal loving into my life from someone other than my teddy bear?
A. Loving is a give and take experience. Give love to yourself first. Everything you wish someone would do for you, do it for yourself. i.e. buy yourself flowers, sing yourself love songs or if you prefer sing them as if God is singing them to you. Create a loving space in yourself and in your home. Give love to whoever comes your way (there are no accidents) ... sooner or later you will be vibrating with love and love will be in your life. Not because the world changed but because YOU did. Everything in the universe works from the inside out. We can change ourselves if we want to and then everything outside of us changes.
P.S. When I say give love to people, I mean give compliments, give affection, give your ear for listening without expectation. Listen to Deepak Chopra's Seven Laws of Success as they are excellent. He says if you don't have something in your life it's because you are not giving it. I agree. I did all of the above in my life and love came from all over the place. I also have a Leo Ascendant which can tend to be self absorbed. Aquarius on the seventh is your "shadow side" — the part of you that is altruistic, impersonal and detached about outcomes.
Hi Rebeca. Great work, great website.. I'm so fascinated by all the shadow work you do! So, in case it is still current that you sometimes answer people's questions, here goes: (and yes, I did read all the articles you required first).
I'm a Taurus Sun/ Leo Rising, so Aquarius is on my 7th house line. I just finished a very brief but very very intense relationship with a guy who is also Taurus Sun and Leo Rising!
It was exactly as you described in one of your articles: First it was magical, wonderful, amazing, intense, fiercely attractive and very euphoric... so great! Then it *very* swiftly became competitive and almost mean... like "who can hurt who first". It ended abruptly and totally in one downward-spiralling conversation.
Then, he asked me if we could be friends (instead of "nothing") and I said Yes. He said we would talk about "how that would look" and what it would mean. So I waited for his call. And waited. For weeks! I assumed he meant/knew that talking about the new "friendship" needed to happen right away, to shift "out" of the ex-romance completely and begin the new stage immediately. Apparently not.
Nope, he never called. So finally I called him. Nothing. And emailed him. Nothing. He is completely ignoring me, even running away (physically!) from me at a party we both attended just last weekend. I have never been so fully ignored in my life!
So, I understand the thing about 'opposites', and I agree with what you said about how Saturn is the ruler of my 7th house because Yes men in my life tend to be "unresponsive". My own favorite word for it has been that they are "emotionally unavailable". (Like my folks were/are).
So my only question is, what am I supposed to learn? Your article said something about that I should learn to do more of what he is doing, not to that extreme but in balance -So, that would mean I "ignore myself"--- ??? or ?? I'm confused! Please just help me clarify what I'm supposed to learn here! I don't want to repeat this pattern again!
Thanks soooo much. This is driving me nuts. Please please help!
RESPONSE FROM REBECA
I have Leo Rising too and URANUS rules our 7th. We have to learn to be FRIENDS FIRST not last. Friends first for several months and then let the sexual, emotional relationship start. When it starts you have to HOLD YOUR OWN. If he says I need space you are not doing the Uranian thing which is to create the space yourself at the beginning and throughout the relationship. Always have other plans, other FRIENDS and an active life which creates the distance naturally. You attract people who are unavailable because you have dumped the part of you that he represents. BE THAT PART and you will no longer attract emotionally unavailable people that are an extreme. You will always attract Uranian men who like their freedom. So build that into your character and they won't go anywhere. I've been dating the same guy for six years and it's the same exact story. He is a Sun-Uranus conjunction in Leo and also has Leo rising. Good luck. I do do readings on the phone if you are interested. I charge $175. for an hour and send you a report about yourself along with the tape. If you can't afford that, I highly recommend you ordering a Liz Greene Report and my DVD as it has a workbook so you can stop the patterns consciously.
Blessings and Love Yourself 1st!
I am writing because I am in desperate need of help and guidance. I just realized that the same patterns in my relationships keep happening over and over and over and this time, it's beginning to take an emotional toll, it's draining me out spiritually.
It all started when I was sixteen. I meet a beautiful girl, fall head over heels in love, promise her the world and the Universe. Then she ends up believing me, ends up thinking that she is so lucky to have me, that I am the best man God created.
Then, two years down the line, I get doubtful, that she's not the one, then I get resentful, I hate calling, hate going to see her, then I find myself struggling to keep up the image that I created for her but always unsuccessfully, then she demands to talk. Then I end up breaking her heart and feeling real, real, real guilty.
Then Life goes on, I find another girl, I tell myself that she must be the one! I find in her all these qualities that my previous girl didn't have. But then, the same pattern manifests itself and another girl is let go in tears.
And so as I write this today, I'm just tired, I'm tired of making girls cry and my current girlfriend, I don't wanna break up with her because I can't bear breaking anymore hearts. I have realized that I am the problem and not them, and I'm hoping to find out what steps can I take to confront myself and that whatever happens with my current girlfriend happens in peace and harmony.
Thank you for reading this.
John, 24 years old.
Psychologically what is happening is that you are projecting your "anima" onto these girls (I can't say women as they are too young), then when the projections wear off, you see who they REALLY are and get disillusioned. This is a common phenomenon. Please read the book "We, Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love," by Robert Johnson. I know it has a lot of mythology to explain the scenario so it is a hard read for someone unfamiliar with the terminology but it is full of wisdom and truth if you can get to the end.
The anima, which is in his unconscious in a man, is his feminine side. This is what helps him feel, create, inspires him (muse), as well as his ability to relate to others. Everyone has both male and female in them. We learn about ourselves through the mirrors we are fascinated by (fascination is the key). LOVE is a very different experience, than infatuation and fascination. You are very young to be seeing these patterns so congratulate yourself. MOST men don't even wake up and see this until after 40 and some NEVER do so they stay alone the rest of their lives incapable of loving another person and feeling very empty as the available women when a person is young will not become so available anymore after awhile and they end up lonely and empty from their search for the "perfect woman" who doesn't exist. You are ahead of the game if what you really want is a loving, caring relationship with a significant other just by recognizing the pattern.
FIRST thing when you "fall in love" — know that you are seeing a part of yourself in the other person. Before you go ga-ga, notice what it is that "fascinates" you as this will be the part of you that you are looking for. Once the fascination is over, you are left with a real person who has good and bad qualities as you do yourself. Loving a real human being is not as dramatic. Johnson says somewhere in his book that its like "stirring the oatmeal kind of love." It's not bells and whistles and drama.
Many relationships start with this fascination and projection of our unconscious onto others as we live in a culture that believes that "fallling in love" is love but it is not. It's just the beginning. Get to know people (girlfriends) for themselves slowly so that you can evaluate whether you are compatible, enjoy each others company, are friends to each other through thick or thin, in other words that there is substance to the relationship because in the long run this is what sustains a long-term committed relationship not the initial sensations which projection of the anima or animus provide at the beginning.
Ask anyone in a long-term relationship and they will tell you it either changes to a more calm feeling of comfort, happiness to have someone to share life with and it's not nearly as dramatic or intense as it is in the beginning or it ends and they start all over again with someone else. We are all looking for ourselves out there. This is a part of what Jung calls individuation. Read his book, Memories, Dreams, Reflections which is his autobiography as this will get you familiar with his concepts and how he discovered these unconscious parts of us within himself. It is a fabulous book and I've read it twice and could easily read it again. So much of our being is unconscious and learning to bring what is unconscious in us to consciousness is what we are actually doing on this planet.
And do read the book "We" by Robert Johnson and if you have any questions, write to me again. I also recommend you buy my DVD + workbook and watch it with your current girlfriend to see where you are out of balance within yourself as the shadow gets projected between couples very easily and then they want it to be over. If they do shadow-work together they might discover that they are extremely alike and just polarizing in certain areas.
Knowing me, do you agree that I project the Neptune 'stuff' (Pisces) ...???? Why do I find out over time that the person is very self-centered and selfish and I'm so surprised by it??? Am I supposed to identify with the unconscious selfish part of me? I feel very guilty when selfish, self-centered thoughts enter my mind...I disregard them and do as I always do. Should I stop doing it? How do I stop while retaining self respect? I'm very hard on myself if I think I wasn't nice, respectful or selfish.....where does this come from if my unconscious wants me to be selfish sometimes?
RESPONSE FROM REBECA:
Because it's your Shadow. Remember that what you believe strongly about yourself — the exact opposite is building up in your Shadow. The psyche has to compensate unconsciously for your imbalance. If you know anything about Leo Moon which you have, it is very self-centered and maybe all your Virgo doesn't allow that into your consciousness but it's a part of you and you have to accept it because it's probably operating behind your back. You can't change something you can't accept. I have Leo Rising and a Leo South Node so can you imagine? I am very self-centered BUT I know it so therefore I can work with it. If you can't admit something or become aware of your own behaviour then you will have to project it and it gets bigger and bigger and bigger OUT THERE to the degree that you will not own it. Does that make sense? Everyone needs to be selfish sometimes or they become LOP-SIDED in the opposite extreme. That is not healthy either. It's balance and consciousness that works.
So dig in there and love that part of you. OK?
Happy New Year!
Q. I love your site! The information on the Shadow is fascinating!!
I read the required articles and still have this question. My seventh house is completely empty. The 5th, 6th, and 7th houses do not have anything in them. What does this mean and how do I then figure out how all of this relates to me?
My 7th house is ruled (I hope that is the right terminology) by either Gemini or Taurus (I am sorry, I dont know how to determine which one). I am a Virgo Sun with a Scorpio Moon and Ascendant. I have a birthchart drawn up and on the top of the 7th house is Gemini (19 degrees, 16') and on the bottom is Taurus (19 degrees, 21'), but the house itself is empty.
It seems that Libra's are attracted to me. My marriage is falling apart because of lack of communication. (Husband is a 46 yr.old Libra) My husband doesn't talk anymore and avoids all intimacy. Communication is extremely important to me, so I am wanting a divorce if he isn't going to talk to me the way I need him to. He refuses to work on this, saying if I see a problem, I need to fix it.
Any insight on this would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks so much.
Sandra, age 25
A. Sandra! Taurus and Gemini will be signs you will relate to as being the rulers of your 7th house as both signs are in there but Venus is definetly the ruler as the cusp would be Taurus if you have Scorpio rising. I don't know how anyone can be in ANY relationship without communicating. Sounds to me like you are on the right track. You will probably find relating easier with someone closer to your own age but I guess you've probably figured that out by now. He probably projected his anima onto you and the projections have worn off. That's when all hell breaks loose. He sounds very immature. Good luck. Take care of yourself!
Your personal message brought tears to my eyes. Such a quick reply. I can't thank you enough. Astrology has been a big help to me for a long time, and so to have more validation is a big help during this difficult time. I really appreciate your answer.
Thank you again.
Much love and appreciation,
I received the Career and Vocational Report by Liz Greene and it has been very helpful. Although some of the statements are not at all accurate, a lot is.
I noticed Paul doesn't have any planets, etc. in his 7th house. Does that mean anything? I have yet to give this report to him because I want to digest it more and I feel he really isn't ready for the information. The inaccurate statements are mostly in the beginning and it also might lead him to believe that this isn't a tool he could use. I will give it to him at some point.
I won't be coming to your workshop this weekend as another important engagement has come up. I hope you get or have a full class by now.
A. No one knows their whole self Maureen. We are all learning more about who we are as time goes on. You will learn more and more with every year. So will he. When you re-read your report two even five or seven years from now a lot will have changed. I bought mine in 1988 and it is almost completely highlighted. So much came into my awareness.
I wish you the best with Paul if that is what you want. I hope you are setting boundaries and taking care of yourself.
Thank you. The workshop is sold out. 12 people signed up.
Thank you for such a thoughtful reply, Rebeca. Your words about the astrology report are very helpful and hopeful. I would be happy if Paul does bloom and have those traits that seem contrary to his nature revealed.
Lately I have been very focused on domestic and foreign events and feel so much of what is happening is not told to us or is not true by our media and politicians. Paul feels completely opposite and it is dividing us more and more as I listen to independent journalists and read more. I think that because of Paul's far right leaning, it may have caused this awareness and drive in me to seek out the truth, and I am very grateful. However, it is getting increasing difficult to be with him for any length of time because there is little we can discuss without opposing each other. I am following my instinct and being as gentle as I can so I can feel divine guidance. Thank you for your wishes.
I am happy your workshop filled up. I will visit your website for future dates.
With love and gratitude,
You’re right. The more you polarize with him the more uncomfortable it will get. It’s not all to the right Maureen. Whenever we are lop-sided, we will pull the opposite to help us get more centered. He is your Shadow whether you want to see it or not. but it sounds like you are trying to see it from what you say. You are both the same.
Try to listen to what he is saying and you will see there is “some truth” in the opposite, albeit right now you are being pulled to extremes. I have two Republican friends. I listened to them and their views. It doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable anymore but you want to know why I listened ... because I love them both (2 women I’ve known for 15 years who have been there for me through thick or thin). So our love grew with time and caring. So when I listened to them, I could see their view. So now I realize that extremes always create division.
Thank you so very much. You are wonderfully wise.
Love & peace ;-)
Hi Rebeca. I am 41 and have been married and divorced twice, with maybe a dozen other relationships, most of which ended badly. Even more numerous are the women I drove away out of insecurity before a relationship even had a chance to develop. I have also gone through periods in my life lasting several years in which I was unable to find a girlfriend. I am in one of those periods now, the longest one yet. The last relationship I was in was with a married woman who was exploring open relationships with her husband. Although I am not bisexual, I ended up having a threesome with her and her husband on one occasion. This relationship also ended badly and in retrospect, seemed to recreate in some strange, eodipal way the triangle of my childhood. My parents had a bad marriage and my mother turned to me to satisfy the emotional needs which were not being fulfilled by my father. As you can probably guess, the whole issue of sexual relationships with women is the greatest source of suffering in my life. In my 7th house, I have a close conjunction of pluto, the moon, and uranus in virgo. These three planets are squaring my saggitarius sun in the 10th house and trining my capricorn venus in the 11th. So — any advice?
A. Wow! Well you have to do shadow work big time. Owning your Pluto means taking back your power and learning to share power (which it sounds like you don't) Sorry... but that is what I hear. Owning your Uranus means building in your own need for freedom. When you have to have anything or anyone you are on the wrong track. If it's a compulsion then it's a projection and has nothing to do with the other person. It's narcissism. Sooooooo I suggest reading extensively on the shadow (my dvd and workbook) would help and when you are being your Pluto and Uranus yourself then your Moon will be safe enough to allow something in (relationships wise) that has what the Moon needs. Safety, security, nurturing and caring in an equal partnership. None of your relationships were probably equal partnerships because you haven't partnered yourself yet. I do do readings on the phone if you want to tell me the details and then I can tell you more of what I hear from you and what you might not see yourself. It's not hopeless although it might seem so. Jung says neurosis is doing something over and over and expecting a different result. Change is in store so embrace it lovingly.
All the best,
I found your article in the internet about shadow and correlation with relationships. I had a relationship with someone who was very 'narcissitic', self centered, no empathy, he lied, cheated, deceived me with false promises, very manipulative, insecure. I can see myself in some of the things that made me break up with him. I can see some of his most 'undesirable' traits in myself, and some of those developed more openly or consciously from when (or why?) I met him and acted out. In fact, I think I became almost like him in regards to bad traits. I also found some of his 'bad' traits, as a lot of fun to do (my own narcissism?). I almost felt envy that he could be so ruthless so easily and so aggressively.
I broke up with him, though there was an almost 'sick' attraction and craving/addiction (I think I even wanted to 'change' him to become the 'good one'). I also think that in some ways I was his light shadow. I don't know if he wanted to consciously 'incorporate' those light traits, or if he indeed wanted to destroy them in me, as I probably was trying to get rid of his 'bad' ones.(?)
Did I stay in that relationship longer than necessary because I was trying to 'change' me through him? Should I have stayed in that relationship in order to accept my shadow?
Does the fact that we can identify what bothers us about others, as our shadow, and deal with it from awareness, mean that we could share our lives (romantically, I mean mostly) with anyone?
Thank you for reading me and thank you for your website.
Wow! Lots of depth to your questions. YES, I believe that he was your mirror as you saw this yourself and it was a rude awakening. I believe staying in such an obviously negative situation is only possible if both commit to doing shadow work, bringing integrity to their relationship and then communicating about how to change themselves (each one working on his own issues). Then the relationship can go from constant negativity to mutual empowerment, maturing, droping the rose-colored glasses and loving each other consciously. Easier said than done but it takes a commitment and two people who are willing to do the work. (I recommend my DVD which also includes a workbook) Last question, romance is a myth. Love is a universal and spiritual faculty within everyone. Read "We, Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love and Owning Your Own Shadow" by Robert Johnson TOGETHER....
Otherwise things just repeat ad nauseum... so it's a choice to stick it out and work on it or work on yourself so you don't have to recreate it.
I did answer it. I don't believe in Romantic Love Trixie. If you read all four of my articles on my web site, you will see what I mean. It is a myth and under the Questions and Answers page at the very end, I elaborated to a young man who wrote to me. Unfortunately in our culture people believe that love has to be Romantic in order for it to be "true love." To me, love is based on getting to know, like and care for a real person through shared experience, mutual respect and trust. There usually isn't the sparks or compulsions that are associated with the addiction/attraction type of relationship which is ones Shadow seeing itself through another. Those relationships will not and cannot last because they are not based on relating to a real person. You are relating to the archetype of the Shadow. Also, Jung said that until we can see our shadow, we cannot begin the process of integrating the contrasexual images (Anima/Animus). The goal in life is not to be romantically involved with another person. They will only let us down eventually. What we all really want is to love God. Also I recomment you read Invisible Partners and Evil, the Shadow Side of Reality by John Sanford. You can get all four used at http://www.amazon.com
Here's what I said.
Last question, romance is a myth. Love is a universal and spiritual faculty within everyone. Read "We, Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love and Owning Your Own Shadow" by Robert Johnson TOGETHER....
Yes, you did answer. I couldn't see it. I think I am just beginning to grasp the concept.
Thank you for the books' recommendation, I will read them.
Thank you so very much for your help and clarity, and for helping my journey. I will revisit your site.
(Your) God bless you
You are doing a wonderful deed by actually answering peoples' doubts regarding the 7th house and the Shadow. I am truly amazed at the amount of studies you are doing.
Ok, going by my side... My birthdate is 11/29/1980.I have a leo moon in the 7th house.. I had a very brief relationship with a guy who had Sagittarius rising with mercury, moon and sun in Gemini in the 7th house. When I met him the first time, I felt as if I have found my twin-flame soul mate. I had found everything in him. It was magical and fantabulous.
It has been almost a year now, and I still feel the same about him even if we are not together.. I actually read a soulmate poem in my dream..and who was the author? No one but him (in dream).... Could you enlighten me on this issue. I feel "opposites attract" and I feel we were totally opposites with my moon in 7th and his moon in the first house. I had this "made for each other feeling" when I was with him. Sometimes I feel I won't ever get the true love I want.
Will I eventually end up marrying the same person or I might turn my attention on to someone else in the future. And also what can you say about his future relationships and the reason for the break-up. I seriously hope you will say something.
I don't see how you can have a Leo moon in the 7th house. Thane is not in my software but Bombay is and if I put in 1:20 pm it comes up with a Virgo Moon in the 6th house. See chart. You might have a different longitude and latitude. I wanted to see the aspects to Venus and your 7th House ruler.
But to answer your question Adrienne, when we dream about a man especially a man we have never had a REAL relationship with, the unconscious is using that person as a symbol for your animus. I will quote John Sanford from the book I highly recommend called Invisible Partners which explains the Anima and Animus concept of C.G. Jung's in detail. You can get a used copy at amazon.com
This is on page 26, "Jane reported several dreams in which the man with whom she had fallen in love came to her as a lover. She took these dreams literally, as personfications of the love relationship between the two of them. In doing this, she missed their inner, psychological meaning, for the man in the dream can be understood as her creative animus, a personification of her own creative powers that now want union with her. (In dreams, sexual union frequently represents the tendency of some part of us to unite itself to our conscious personality)."
You are not really related to someone if you haven't had a real relationship with them. By REAL, I mean a long-term, steady day-in, day-out relationship where you spend a lot of time together and you do mundane things like wash the laundry or go grocery shopping otherwise if there is minimal contact between the two people, it remains a fantasy and an unconscious illusion. Dating is not even a real relationship. You almost have to live with them to see who they really are so that the relationship becomes a conscious one.
A conscious relationship will not be quite so exciting as the person becomes more familiar but it will center around living and loving in the real world. It's easy to imagine someone is prince charming until you see he burps and farts like other human beings. He throws his dirty laundry on the floor. He doesn't always remember things he should. In other words, he's real. He's not perfect. When you get to know someone day-in, day-out, the illusion that they are perfect falls away. Psychologists call this the falling off of projections. BUT then the real relationship can begin between two people who want to be in relationship to each other, who like each other and who want to grow.
True Love which you say you want isn't all the bells and whistles you think it is.
Also read the book, WE, Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love by Robert A. Johnson. It will help you mature to be OPEN to a real relationship with someone who is real. Allow yourself to grow and you will attract to yourself what is in you as like also attracts like. The people who used to be attractive will not be so attractive anymore. You will change gradually and it takes time so have faith, love comes to those who are willing to love too. Believe it.
I have Neptune in the seventh house, and this house is ruled by scorpio for me. I have just finished a relationship with a man who was very charming and lovely at times, but was also at times emotionally abusive and an alcoholic. Even though I broke up with him because I was very unhappy, I am still not over him 9 months later. Do you have any word of wisdom?
Dear Mary Alice
Yes Mary Alice, I do. Those of us who have Venus-Neptune or Neptune in the 7th have a propensity to attract wounded ducks for partners. We might believe we are trying to save them and/or be the one who will love them unconditionally and help them heal. But the truth is they usually aren't interested in healing, only suffering which is an unhealthy Neptunian delight. Usually, what we're trying to fix in them is actually a MIRROR of us. What we might see initially is that THEY have no self worth and it's really about US. If we had any self worth ourselves, would we be messing with them?
LOVE yourself, first and foremost. Buy yourself flowers and sing love songs to yourself as if God is singing them to you.
Find a way to live out your Neptune yourself. Spirituality, art, photography, dance, music or volunteering your services. Share a positive experience of Neptune energy with a partner who is also devoted to his own spiritual growth and creativity. Someone who is himself also introspective and truly wants to BE a better person not ESCAPE INTO another person. It's about being. Eventually — as like attracts like — you will meet a person who is also living out his Neptune in a healthy way.
WALK away and don't look back from the person you think you can save. People have to save themselves. Save yourself from the misery.He can't be there for you when he isn't even there for himself. Show your self you are there for you. Give yourself a big hug and smile.
Read Invisible Partners by John Sanford and In Search of the Magical Other by James Hollis and We, Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love by Robert Johnson. All great books. I also recommend my DVD and workbook (or cassette and workbook) because it can give you a whole lot more insight.
Good for you that you left him. Big step is not being someone's doormat is to get out of there. That shows you that you do love yourself.
SIX YEARS OF TEARS, PLEASE HELP ME.
For the last 14 years i have been in a relationship that has messed with my heart and head. This man in my life has moved on with his, several years ago. After our divorce his life propelled forward, as mine snow-balled to hell. I thought I knew myself, loved myself, and could handle any life event with grace and integrity up until he decided to end our union. In the past 6 years I have worked really hard on re-discovering who i am, and what is necessary to begin again. Here is the most terrifying part! Even though we have divorced, there is still a constant contact, and a undefinable connection in spite of our efforts to depart. He Say's its me who won't let go. Which is true.Yet i believe he also has a responsibility in our continuing relationship. As the time passes his rejection or connection is solely of his own decision. Whenever he feels the need to have me around. If not, then I am rejected as an annoyance that needs to go away. This pattern has gone on so long that I am frightened that there will never be a new love in my life. The pain of this relationship has produced a fear in me that must be projecting itself outwardly. Although I know I possess the qualities for a true companion, and am worthy of being loved and accepted, nothing changes. What could be this shadow that is so paralyzing to my relationships, and what can I do to change? Thank you for your time,
(birth data witheld for privacy)
Read, "We, Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love" by Robert A. Johnson, "In Search of the Magic Other" by James Hollis and "Invisible Partners" by John Sanford. You can get them used at Amazon.com
Unless you have children with this guy and you absolutely have to stay in contact with him, then I would cut it off ... because you are right. If you don't you will continue along the same vein. You have Pluto in the 7th and that means you have to learn to hold your own and take back the power you give away to men. It is your power that you want so badly not really him although it appears to be him. Unconsciously you are looking to complete yourself Kelly. We all are and you are not the exception. It's just that with Pluto there and Uranus sitting close by— your path is to cultivate your own way and to share universal energies with your partner not have them live them out for you. I hope you will cut it off... maybe not forever but for a few years until you are on your feet emotionally. It will happen. Neptune transiting that house eroded the situation anyway. Anyone that we either overvalue or undervalue is a projection. Read my article is it love, or is it projection? The books I recommended will help you get out of the emotion and into your head so that you can take care of you. Your Venus in Aries says TAKE CARE OF ME PLEASE. I need to be a bit selfish here and better start doing it now.
Thank you, for your empathy, and sound advice. I am touched that you took the time to care. It means a great deal to me. Your advice is absolute, as I have known for sometime. I have given up my power, and i want it back! I will do my best to journey through, with hope that someday I will see this as the greatest lesson of the Higher Me.
Thank You, once again; You are a True Light.
I have to share something with you. Last night at dinner you said something to me that has helped me settle a quandary I’ve been having within myself. I even told you after you said it that “I needed to hear that.” Insidex I thoughtx this is what this meeting is all aboutx. The reason we met tonight was just so I could hear that sentence. You gave me a gift. You helped me so much that I had to share with you what I wrote in my journal this morning. (This is not great writing, It’s just flow of consciousness.)
Here it is from this morning’s meditation journal:
Last night you said something to me that I needed to hear. You said (and I paraphrase) “Often, when people want to do something metaphysical, spiritual for a livingx follow a dream or a callingx these are people who by their very nature are free spirits and are not bound by societies rules. But in their desire to follow their grand dream, they pour themselves into it so completely that they throw caution to the wind, risk everything and go for it. Butx this is not balanced and life is about BALANCE. When they put all their energies into this area and no energy into the practicalx they become unbalancedx and they fail. Because there must be Balancex.NOTHING works when there is no balance.” Relationships do not work when their is an imbalance occuring between partners. I heard this statement in a way I have never understood it before.
Recently, I have agonized over how to proceed in my lifex.I have wanted to quit my job, leave my house, move into my grandmother’s falling down, dilapidated, abandoned housexand writex follow the call I hear so loudly. But, fortunately my Virgo sensibilities have kept be from floating off into the ethersx but that’s what I have wanted to do. I was in a total quandary inside. I did not want to take that accounting job at WalMart because I did not want to let “working for a living” disrupt the wonderful peace I’m feeling. I worried that by taking that job I would somehow not be answering the call from God to do what I’m here to do.
In that moment I understood that “I NEED BALANCE. I NEED THE PRACTICAL” (a job) to balance my impractical spiritual/creative side.
Yin & Yang
Giving – Receiving
Ebb & Flow
Positive – Negative
Balance x it is the nature of the universe x. It’s a LAW that will correct itself in one way or another if allowed to get out of sync with itself. Balance!
As soon as you finished saying that, I knew strongly that it was something I was supposed to hear. You were sent to say that to me, to help me make my “choice” about my future.
The Call I am hearing has to be loud in order for me to hear it and act on it. And because it is so loud and insistent, I feel mesmerized by it and I want to drop everything and follow it. The Joy and Peace I’m experiencing is so “uplifting” that it would be easy for me to release my grip on “earthly reality” and just “float away.” I know, I could very easily become one of those crazy homeless people you see standing on the street corner; dirty-faced, smiling, telling everyone who passes, “God loves you! Love on another! That’s all we are here to do! That’s the answer. Don’t you see it?”
The point is, that I would be speaking the truth – and a great truth – and I might even be happy in my delirium – But who would listen? Who would take me seriously? No one would hear the message because they would be repulsed by the messenger.
I must remain grounded to keep balance, otherwise all my possibilities will float away and never come to fruition. My possibilities will never bare fruit. They become wisp of smoke – as fleeting as a thought or an illusion that can easily be blown away only to dissipate into nothingness. Without balance my possibilities will become a wind blown seed that floats on the breeze, never to land on soil and germinate into its grander self.
Wow! Thank you! You were an Angel for me last night. And here you thought you were just helping me make some artwork for inspirational bookmarks and posters!